To My Laundry Chair: I Couldn’t Have Done It Without You, by Stephanie Hayes
For years we have had a beautiful furniture centerpiece in the bedroom. Crate and Barrel’s microfiber chair was royal blue, plush, with matching cushions. And for years we haven’t laid eyes on that chair, let alone sit in it.
Why? You know why. It was the laundry chair. Maybe you pretend you don’t have any. Maybe you put the laundry away in a closet moments before the company arrives, then show off your elegant seating area as if it were a Victorian fainting room to retrieve some boneless corsets.
But you know the sad truth. Other laundry chair versions include the laundry window seat; Ottoman laundry; Laundry Secretary; Conveyor belt / Laundry platoon; and laundry basket so full that it became a flat surface for more laundry.
The laundry chair blends into the landscape, melting into an amorphous drop between the wall and the floor. Once the room absorbs the soul of the Laundry Chair, like a haunted Ikea, the Laundry Chair becomes immutable. Every now and then it catches your eye. You think, “If I’m murdered and the crime scene photos end up on ’48 Hours of Investigation’, this laundry situation is going to be so embarrassing. “
Our confrontation with the laundry chair came suddenly. We got a new bedroom set and decided to reconfigure the space. After moving everything, the room was still cramped and chaotic. The conversation between my husband and I went as follows:
“I feel like there should be more room here.
I look at the laundry chair.
He looks at the laundry chair.
“Maybe we should …”
Many articles and blogs are devoted to “booster chairs”, a phrase like “giant shrimp”. Apartment Therapy argues that “booster chairs give you another place to play with color, pattern and texture, but they’re also a great place to read, arrange your clothes, and put down a bag or other often-used object. “.
See? Most of the paragraph is devoted to setting things up on the chair.
It’s time to stop the lies. There is no use in a bedroom chair. What, are you just gonna … sit down? Think about international conflicts? The rooms are made for lying flat, ruminating on failed dreams. The chambers are used to check your phone, even if it interferes with your circadian rhythms. Rooms allow you to try on six outfits before choosing the same black shirt and jeans that you wear every day, then placing all six outfits on the laundry chair.
After moving the bed, I collapsed to begin my divine goal of looking at my phone. Suddenly the laundry was flying and the chair was moving.
“We have to do it now, or we never will,” he said. He was right.
The laundry chair is now in the living room, where we sit on it. The bedroom is much more spacious, freed from fraudulent seats. And yet there is a new problem. We have to put the laundry away.
In the related news, I would like you to meet my new friend: Laundry Stool.
Stephanie Hayes is a columnist for the Tampa Bay Times in Florida. Follow her on @stephhayeswrites on Facebook, @stephhayes on Twitter or @stephhayes on Instagram.
Photo credit: Monoar_CGI_Artist to Pixabay