What to do when your friend has a boyfriend and is totally changed
How it’s good female friendship? There is nothing purer in this world than having a soul mate to laugh, cry and eat cheese chips with when you come home from the pub.
That’s why when your best friend has a boyfriend, sometimes he can feel like your whole world is falling apart. As she gets lost in the excitement of a new love, it’s easy to feel abandoned and alone. Not to mention the fear that you’ve lost her forever because of a guy she met at McDonald’s at 4am …
Seems familiar? If you are going through the same thing with your friend right now, know that you are not alone and that there are ways to cope. Here, relationship experts, psychologists and those who have been through it before offer advice on how to deal.
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Let her have the ‘honeymoon’ phase
The first months of love are undeniably the hardest. But remember, the love potion’s effect won’t last forever, so try to please your friend from the early stages and don’t take her abandonment to heart just yet.
“Remember what it is like the first wave of love and try to give your friend the natural space to enjoy and get to know their new partner, support your friend, ask him questions about him, even if you are already fed up with it says Lottie daley, writer and audiovisual journalist.
Meet him and make friends
The longer you wait to meet him, the more you will linger and become envious of that person you always hear about but never met.
“Introducing friends early is better than later and can help ease tensions and apprehensions,” says Lamb Fiona, clinical hypnotherapist.
Don’t push your friend to do anything until she’s ready, but it’s okay to ask when you meet the lucky one.
Beware of critics
If you feel resentful towards your friend’s new relationship, it may be tempting to encourage them when they confide in you about an argument they’ve had or a less-than-desirable trait they’ve had. possesses.
But if we have learned anything from past experiences, it is to listen but to refrain from any kind of insult or negative comment.
“If there’s a break-up or a fight, resist jumping and slandering his character and giving him both barrels,” says Carol Ann Rice, Life coach. “A lot of times relationships can pick up and that will leave you on the sidelines – especially if it gets serious and long term.”
Be there for her, offer neutral advice, but know that anything you say can and will be used against you in court.
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Put your energy into something new and exciting
If your friend leaves a big void, fill it with distractions. Use the time to re-evaluate your own life and the goals you want to achieve. If his abandonment annoys and envies you, it may be because there are areas of your life that you don’t like.
“It will take time to adapt [to her absense] so give yourself time and find other opportunities to make new friends and develop new hobbies like signing up for aptitude or personal development courses. Put your energy into something new, ”says Relationship Expert, Sheela Mackintosh-Stewart.
“A really important skill to learn in relationships is having more than one person you can rely on and having hobbies and activities that you enjoy with a range of people so that you never get too dependent. of a person, ”explains the relationship expert. Love coach Kate mansfield.
This doesn’t mean that you forget your friend, but if she chooses to put her relationship first, why not put you first?
It’ll also give you plenty of talking points when you catch up and the conversation won’t seem to be all about her and her new boyfriend.
Plan some time together
When your friend has a boyfriend, the biggest adjustment will be the fact that she is no longer “free” all the time and available in the blink of an eye. Outings and spontaneous drinks on a Friday night will become scarce, but that doesn’t mean you can’t always go out.
“You might not see each other as often as before, but as long as you make the effort to plan time together, your friendship will survive,” says Susan hepburn an experienced hypnotherapist and psychotherapist accredited to the stars.
Note the dates of the dinner in your calendar and stick to them. Then, if she chooses Netflix ‘n’ chill over meeting you at the pub one night, you won’t be so upset because you know you’ll see her soon.
“Remember, it’s the quality and not the time you spend with your friend that counts.”
Try activating a “no phone to table” rule when you catch up so you can have a good time together (and she won’t be tempted to text the boyfriend).
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Don’t suppress your feelings
If all of the above just doesn’t work, you may need to bring it up with her. Preferably face to face, because the tone never translates into the text.
Just tell her how you are feeling and why, and offer her a solution to the problem. Whether it’s planning a fortnightly dinner or planning a girls’ weekend together. Chances are she’s ignoring the way she’s treating you and trying to rectify it.
Don’t wait until you are so angry that she breaks out – this is when miscommunication will happen.
Remember, guys come and go, but the friendship is everlasting and sometimes it’s worth fighting for.